Yoga is designed to help one’s mind and body become more flexible, supple and adaptable. An emotionally intelligent manager does mind yoga by becoming more aware of people’s personal styles so s/he can flex her/his conversational styles to address the individual tendencies of others’ styles.
I call it “The Platinum Way” vs. “The Golden Way.”
You know the “Golden Rule:” Do onto others as you would have them do unto you. That’s a pretty self-centered approach that assumes everyone is like you.
Sadly, they are not. Life would be so much easier and boring if they were.
“The Platinum Rule” goes something like, “do onto others as they find most valuable and motivating to them, based on their values, desires and tendencies.”
You focus on what turns the other person on to stir e-motion — energy in motion to create action.
We all know the delight of having someone pay attention to, and respond to our own particular desires. In the relationship realm it’s called falling in love.
And we all know the consequences of failing to continue to be attentive to the other — its called divorce. Divorce is essentially a message that says, “I think you no longer care about me. I have given up on you. Goodbye.”
In the work place, the equivalent to falling in love is engagement, alignment, commitment and easy performance.
People emotionally divorce themselves from their work when they believe (it may or may not be true, but we all act on our beliefs for better, for worse, in sickness and in health until death do us part) the company — as exemplified by a manager that no longer cares about them.
A manager is the real and symbolic representation of the organization — for better or for worse.
An emotionally intelligent manager can identify and respond to others’ personal styles to produce desired results.
Here is a quick-and-incomplete description of the four basic personal styles…
High-Doers: The High-Doer person is direct and decisive. S/he wants you to get to the point. Briefly explain to her/him what you want done. Be clear about letting them know what’s in it for her/him. Start rambling (in their minds) and they will stop listening to you.
The key here is the manger has to move quickly, while at the same time making sure the high-doer completely understands the task or goal. High-doers often miss the details and set off down the wrong track.
No train-wrecks, please.
High-Interpersonals: This type person enjoys engaging in two-way conversations. S/he must understand the big picture before moving forward. She wants the engagement. S/he wants to be stimulated to get her/him talking.
No long-boring conversations, please. Keep it moving.
High-Security: A person with a High-Security style wants you to get to know her/him — and to know you. She focuses on the relationship and wants to make sure s/he can trust you. There is a tinge of paranoia that you might take advantage of her/him. S/he will be open to be influenced by you because s/he likes and trusts you.
Be really careful to stay connected and respectful of her/him. S/he is watching you closely.
High-Rationals: Things must make sense on their terms. S/he wants you to convey and explain information and agreements in a clear, logical, linear fashion. S/he must have, and understand, all the details. S/he wants to explore in detail. You must give ample time to go over the details — sometimes 2-3 times until s/he is satisfied that s/he “gets it.”
Do not get impatient and try to gloss over the details. S/he will turn off.
4 Tips for doing the yoga dance with different styles:
- Be flexible and resilient. Breathe.
- An emotionally intelligent manager learns her/his own personal style.
- Learn how to recognize and respond to others’ styles.
- Adapt your conversations to the personal styles of others to get to agreement.